I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
