Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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