Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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