wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think I won the penis lottery.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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