I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
