Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were destined to go to rehab together
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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