Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
