pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
