Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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