I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
