Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize