i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
