Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
