I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
