That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
