shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
