It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize