That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
