I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
