I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
