I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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