So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
