i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
