The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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