I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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