Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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