He kissed a someone with a penis
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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