So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
