i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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