**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
