she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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