I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
