the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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