You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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