Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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