Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
