You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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