why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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