i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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