Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
