I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
