since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
