I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
