Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize