well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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