I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
