Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize