I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
