Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
