I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize