It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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