Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
