I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
