I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
