I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
