Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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