So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
