Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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