a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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