put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They took my balls.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
