Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
