and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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