If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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