You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
