my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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