If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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