Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
