You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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