you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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