I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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