She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
