awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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