Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
