I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
