We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
