An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I understand Curling. That high.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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