ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
