I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
