woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
