Is it because I queefed?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize