omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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