So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we're making bets on your personal life
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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