Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I did not marry a roomba.
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