We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
