i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
