That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
