im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
