So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
