all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
