I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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