I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
