the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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