TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
