I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
