He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
