she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
