Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
