Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize