Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
